Category Archives: Movies

How to Kill an Uruk-hai

Uruk-hai breath harshly and deeply, and are enormously strong, tense creatures; top-heavy juggernauts with massive chest, neck, shoulder and jaw development. They snarl and grimace constantly, as they are in constant pain and their only relief lies in violence. Their gait is not dissimilar to that of walking up a steep hill, because as soon as they are spawned they are locked into heavy plate armor, so there is a perceived sense of crushing weight and momentum to their stride. They have difficulty turning quickly. They have limited formal training, just basic drill work, but they are lethal, instinctive fighters, much more dangerous than common Orcs. They use their falchions and spiked shields almost interchangeably, smashing and bashing. Their defenses are power blocks – no finesse, no deflections, just brutal chops that could bounce an attacking weapon back the way it came. Though they are incredibly dangerous fighters, there are several simple was to kill an Uruk-hai.

What You Will Need: A sword/spear/axe/other melee weapon, a bow/sling/other ranged weapon, basic fighting ability.

What To Do:

Bow-based Tactics – Aim for the neck or, if you are an Elf, the armpits, where their armor is weakest. The area around their mouth is similarly undefended, although a strong bow can pierce their chestplate or helmet.

Sword/axe-based Tactics – Again, go for the neck or the legs. Although a good hack in the chest would serve to at least maim your opponent, it is infinitely easier to bowl them over or hold them back via wildly swinging your weapon until help can arrive. If none will, and you’re taking on the forces of Isenguard alone, well, good luck!

Spear-based Tactics – The spear is one of the best weapons to use against large groups of Uruk-hai and, if you are in a small hallway or entrance of some sort, you will be able to hold them off for am indefinite amount of time. Unfortunately, you will be very vulnerable to ranged weaponry.

Tips

  • Uruk-hai are very dangerous, and if they are about to attack your farm you should probably run.
  • If you encounter any Hobbits carrying strange golden Rings that seem to whisper to you, run like crazy.
  • If you are requested by said Hobbits (and/or Elves, Dwarves, Men and talking trees) to join their Fellowship and journey to Mordor to destroy evil once and for all, feed them to the Uruk-hai.

Warning: Following the instructions described in this manuscript may result in death, maiming and/or being sold into slavery. Always read the label.

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Amazing Spider-Man #700

So, I was looking up stuff about Marvel superheroes when I typed in Spider-Man and saw that he was listed as: Currently Deceased?!? What on Earth-616 are they thinking? Quickly clicking on the link, I saw that good old Doc Ock was dying and had traded minds with Peter Parker!!! Then Petey dies! This is one of the stupidest things anyone in the history of comics has done! Doctor Octopus! Seriously?

Grrr… I am NOT a happy blogger/comic fan….